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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared then, since they had been drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She put in more effort toward our bond, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, many close to her vanished without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is planning a trip abroad I have traveled to many times even called home for some time. My intention was to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I have ended a month in that country and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution demands strength and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument here. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they won't abandon since their identity relies on it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out this way then consider your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you peace from having been open and direct.